


Follow Your Dreams

by Squashiee



Series: MCYT One-Shots [1]
Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Cross-Posted on Wattpad, Depression, Heavy Angst, Hurt GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF), Hurt/Comfort, Loss, M/M, Murder, Platonic Cuddling, Platonic Relationships, Post-Loss, RPF, Sad GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF), Sad Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-01
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-12 19:15:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29639349
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Squashiee/pseuds/Squashiee
Summary: George longs for the one who he loved so dearly and decides to take matters into his own hands.
Relationships: Clay | Dream/GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF), GeorgeNotFound & Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF)
Series: MCYT One-Shots [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2177877
Kudos: 9





	Follow Your Dreams

He looked around his room, thinking about every moment they spent together, helping to hang up the LED lights that were strung around the bedroom, and helping to put some of his furniture together as he moved in.

He still had some of his hoodies hung in his closet, even a small note he left when he said he was going out and he would be back soon.

He loved every little thing he once owned, _everything._

He even loved the rock that was bestowed on him as a joke when George went to the beach with him for the first time.

George loved the memories they had, all the "firsts" they had together. He cried over the many "firsts" he would have to face himself.

The house was quiet, it was once lively. Music blasting at three o'clock in the morning, hoping the next-door neighbors won't call and complain. Dancing in the kitchen together and singing along to musical soundtracks.

Watching random YouTube videos on a sofa, or on their bed, in a room they once shared. Playing board games on the floor of the living room, eating by candlelight, and just being with each other.

George's mind was riddled by memories. He wanted to reverse time and take it all back. If only it was himself. If only he didn't let him leave that morning.

The moon had fallen, and the sun had begun to rise, painting the sky with a variety of colors that he couldn’t even see. He stopped enjoying the simple things, like watching the sunrise and the sunset or waking up to live another day.

Even if he couldn't see them, the way his lover admired the sunrises and sunsets made him happy, so he learned to love them. George, who used to see the light in everyone and make the most of every day, can't even get up in the morning. He can't even take the trouble to get up and take care of himself.

He lays in bed for most days unless someone decides to come over. Since the incident, only one person has come over.

Sapnap.

George was lost in his mind until he heard his phone go off, someone started calling him. He picked up his phone next to him with a groan.

His eyes stung from the brightness, he squinted as he looked at who was calling him. It was Sapnap. For a moment, he let the phone ring, considering his options. With hesitation, he hit the button to accept the call.

"Hey! Wow, you actually answered!" He let out a laugh. George didn't return it. "Well anyway, I was thinking of stopping by today, we can go out somewhere, you need some fresh air."

"No." George's voice was hoarse. A soft sigh was let out on Sapnap’s end. He knew how much his friend was hurting, he wished he could do more to help.

"No? No can-do sir, sorry." He tried to lighten the mood, "I'll be over in twenty, you better be ready."

George responded with a hum and the call had ended. He placed his phone back down in the same spot he picked it up. George sat up with a huff, his bones ached.

George pushed the covers away and stood up, almost falling over. He placed his hand on the wall to balance himself as he walked over to the bathroom, connected to the bedroom.

His eyes were stuck to the floor until he got into the bathroom. His gaze shifted onto the mirror. The reflection staring back at him didn't belong to himself. It belonged to _him._ It belonged to the one he wanted oh so dearly, the one who he would give anything for another minute with, the one he loved.

George threw his hands to his eyes, blocking the sight. Wishing it to go away. Moments go by, and he looks through his fingers, only to see himself. Or the shell of his own. The shell of he used to be.

The dark circles under his eyes were more prominent, his skin was sickly pale. His once vibrant eyes were dull and red. The stubble he worked so hard to keep away started to grow back.

He turned on the sink and let the water run warm before splashing some of it on his face. He left the bathroom to change, stumbling over his own feet a couple of times. The bright sunlight now shone through the curtains, providing enough light to satisfy George.

He looked at his closet with a hollow expression, he hated looking into it. All _his_ stuff was hanging up next to his own. Hesitantly, he opened the door of the closet, a single tear fell as he moved the hangers around trying to find a hoodie to wear.

Picking a lime green one, he took it off the hanger and threw it on his bed, quickly taking off what he was wearing and putting the lime hoodie over his figure.

He was drowning in the size of it, but he didn't care, it was _his_ hoodie. No matter what he loved the hoodie, the size brought him comfort. 

He laid back in bed, still having a few minutes to spare. With his time, he scrolled through Twitter, liking the occasional pity message and fanart.

Sapnap picked up George and drove him around town, they stopped at the local park, and then at the gas station for some snacks even though George had little appetite.

No matter how hard Sapnap tried, George couldn't feel excited, everything reminded him of _him._ The-what he assumed was green, lively grass, the blue skies, the cool autumn breeze that blew through his hair, leaving an icy chill on his skin. It all reminded him of the time they spent together.

Apart from that, the outing was successful, Sapnap was able to bring George out for some fresh air, and although George told himself he was putting up a mask for Sapnap, he found himself having fun for once, even if only for a few moments.

There were bits where he felt he could forget and let go, but as soon as those thoughts surfaced, they were shut down quickly. He would never let himself forget. Sapnap dropped him off at home, rendering him alone again just as the sun was setting.

When George arrived, a wave of unease flooded him as he stepped into the place he called home. The place he used to live happily with his other half. The others seemed to move on, but he couldn't, he didn't want to.

George placed his phone in the pocket of the hoodie with a grunt, his mood changing almost instantly. The house was dimly lit, the colors of the sky illuminating the house slightly as the sun tucked in for the night, sleeping beneath the horizon.

George's mind swirled as he stumbled through the house and into his room, flicked on the overhead light, and threw himself into bed, resting there in silence, thinking about everything. The silence was suffocating.

He thought about him, most of all. He thought about all his friends on the SMP, if he could even call them friends, he didn't believe it. He would rather fight his battles alone, he pushed all his friends on the SMP away, he thought they didn’t like him anymore. He thought of his past that he thought he had managed to escape from, but it kept catching up and tearing at him. Poking and prodding, driving him mad. 

He was thinking about _him._ _Him, him, him, him,_ it was _always_ him. He never left his mind. Without _him,_ he couldn't be happy, how could he? _He_ was missing his light, his star, his whole world, his _everything._

He just wanted to be happy, but he couldn't find it anywhere, nor did he try to find it. He believed that his happiness was _him_ , and now that he was gone, he didn't think he deserved anything. He let go of his happiness, so why should he be allowed to seek more?

Here he sat at his desk, clutching one of his black pens, shaking as he wrote along the scarce blue lines, writing what he thought was right, what he thought was going to make him happy. As he wrote, reminiscent of the past with his other half, tears began to pool in his eyes, falling down his cheeks and onto the paper. He choked out a sob that he didn't know he was suppressing.

He kept writing, scribbling the black ink on the paper, signing, "Love, George." at the end, with a smiley face. It reminded him of him. He smiled a bittersweet smile, leaning back in his chair, ruffling his hair with his hands.

Is this the right thing to do?

George's mind argued back and forth, a war surfaced, going back and forth until ultimately coming to an end when he remembered what he had always said. He remembered that phrase so clearly that he knew he had made the right decision. Shakily, standing up and making his way into the bathroom to do what he's been longing to do since day one.

Rummaging through the bathroom drawers that were mostly filled with useless junk, he quickly found what he needed. Gripping it tightly, George pulls it out of the drawer and looks at his hand, a single tear falling. 

Solidifying his decision, he unscrewed the cap on the plastic bottle, dropping six colored capsules onto the palm of his hands.

His body and hands were shaking. George looked up at himself in the mirror, red bloodshot eyes with dark circles underneath, the wetness of his cheeks caused by the tears, and the stubble they had caught on. His mind wasn't connected to his body, it was like looking from a completely different perspective, he saw himself, a total disaster.

Before his mind could connect to his movements, he tapped in his phone password and clicked on someone's contact. His phone started ringing, waiting for them to pick up. Tears began to fall quicker from his eyes and cloud his vision.

"Hello?" The person George called picked up. "Hello? you there?" George tried to speak but he couldn't, his heavy breathing could be heard through the phone.

"George? hey, hey what's wrong?" Worry laced his voice, only making George's tears fall faster.

"I-I-" George tried to breathe, "I-I'm s-sorry for-" he let out another gasp for air, "for c-calling."

"I-I can't d-do this," he hiccupped, "I-It hurts without him."

"Hey, hey don't be sorry okay? I'm on my way, hang in there."

"O-okay Sap." 

The line went dead. Sapnap's stomach flipped as he ran around his house trying to find his shoes and keys, he was worried. George hasn't been doing good, and God knows what he's planning to do. 

George sat on the floor of his bathroom, cold tiles chilled him, and he shook violently with sobs. The capsules were still tightly gripped in his hands, which were starting to sweat. He opened his hand, allowing the cold air to cool his hands. The outer color of the capsules was bleeding onto his palms.

He stared at them, the six capsules, they taunted him. George believed he was too afraid of taking them anyway, he just wanted to see him again, so why was it so hard?

George saw himself as weak, he couldn't even take the meds. He prayed silently that Sapnap would come a little more quickly before he did something that he would later regret. His thoughts wandered aimlessly as he counted various things in the bathroom, trying to keep his mind away from his thoughts.

Trying to keep his mind away from the desires and impulses that kept nudging him dangerously close to the edge. With each passing second, he was nudged and pushed closer to the edge. He was still panicking, but he calmed down a little, taking deep breaths.

George jumped when he heard a pair of keys being jammed into his front door. It was now or never, heavy footsteps raced through the house trying to pinpoint his location, trying to save him. As soon as George heard the footsteps rushing upstairs, he threw his hand to his mouth, thinking only of seeing him. He just wanted to be happy, he just wanted to see him.

Before he could process what was happening. Someone was hitting his back with such a force that made him cough and gasp for air, coughing out the pills that he had been trying to swallow. Colored capsules hit the tiled floor, scattering throughout the bathroom. George continued coughing and two arms wrapped firmly around him, feeling like they'd never let go.

In fear of losing George as they lost him, Sapnap didn't want to let George go. Tears were streaming down his face, falling into George's dark hair. Sapnap choked out silent sobs, both boys gasping for air and sniffling on the floor only fed into each other's emotions.

They sat in strangely comforting silence until Sapnap's breathing calmed down and managed the words which George desperately needed to hear.

"O-oh George…”

George hiccupped and Sapnap hugged him tighter.

"G-Georgie, I-It’s alright..."

They pulled apart, looking in each other's eyes. Sapnap looked at George's face, his hair was a mess, his eyes were red and sore, his face was stained with tears. It truly was a cruel sight to see.

"Georgie b-reath for me okay?" Sapnap hiccupped and rubbed circles on his back. George attempted to keep his breathing stable, trying to calm himself down. It was difficult, but he tried his best to get himself under control, but he couldn't. He was all he wanted, all he wanted was to see him.

He was all he wanted, but Sapnap prevented him from seeing him. George raised his head, looking around the bathroom floor at the capsules through his eyes blurry from the tears, scolding himself.

If only I didn’t cough them out, if I was faster, I might have been able to see him.

If only, if only, if only.

George's mind cried out, his thoughts swirling, and he let out a silent whimper.

Sapnap had been holding George for dear life, he thought that if he let go, he would never see him again. He knew it wasn't what he wanted for George; he wouldn't want to see him like this.

They were both resting in each other's arms for what felt like an eternity, they didn't want to let go, but they couldn't sit on the bathroom floor all night long, no matter how much neither one of them wanted to get up.

Sapnap knew there's so much going on within George's mind. He knew they were going to have to talk. He was going to try to save that for the morning, they had enough for one night. Sapnap would have thought that George was asleep if he hadn't let out small sniffles every now and again.

"Hey, George?" Sapnap whispered from his sore throat. In response, he got a hum. Their bodies were weak and shaky from sitting in the same place for too long. George's frail figure nearly slipped. Fortunately, Sapnap was there to catch him in time. Sapnap wished he were more helpful, he wished he could do more for George, but deep down, he knew he wasn't the help George needed.

In the morning, Sapnap would search for better help for his friend, but he only cared about what was going on at the moment. George leaned against Sapnap for support as they walked out of the bathroom, settled cozily under the thick comforter.

"Sweet dreams Georgie." Sapnap kissed his forehead, George was fast asleep.

Sapnap was exhausted but he wanted to help George in any way possible, and if it was cleaning his house then he would do just that. He began to tidy the downstairs, moving the pillows, and cleaning the dirty dishes. He worked his way upstairs, tidying the hallway interior and putting away the clothing that laid on George's floor in piles.

Sapnap watched as George moved in his sleep, he hoped he wouldn't wake up, he needed the rest. He cleaned up the bathroom, cleaning up the capsules which were dispersed on the tiles, throwing every last one away. He organized the array of products on the bathroom counter, he knew they weren't George's. They were his.

He sighed, and moved back into the bedroom, he wasn't tired. He took a seat in George's swivel chair and sat at his desk; he noticed a folded piece of paper with his name hastily scrawled on it. Sapnap cautiously picked it up, anticipating what rested on the inside.

He opened it up and saw a messily written letter, he shut his eyes and took a deep breath. Trying to prepare himself for what he was about to read, he had a fairly good idea of what it was. He opened his eyes and began at the upper left corner of the lined paper. 

Sapnap understood exactly what this was, he took another deep breath, he didn't want to wake George who was sleeping in the bed next to where he was sitting.

_Dear Sapnap,_

_Sorry, I don't think I can do this, how the hell do I fit what I need to say into words? You deserve so much more. I'm sorry you had to watch me fall apart, I'm sorry you tried helping but I refused it all._

Sapnap understood exactly what this was, he took another deep breath, he didn't want to wake George who was sleeping in the bed next to where he was sitting.

_I'm sorry for all this, I'm sorry I let him leave that morning, it's all my fault. I don't blame you if you forget about me soon, I would as well. It was just too much, I couldn't be without him, I would see him sometimes. Over my shoulder, in the mirror, my dreams, my nightmares. Sometimes I would hear his laugh in the kitchen. I'd wake up thinking that he would be right next to me, only to grasp the cold sheets of where he should have been._

He let out a single tear, Sapnap knew George was struggling but reading this letter and learning how he felt pained him much more than he thought it ever would. He looked over at him, sleeping peacefully under the thick, fluffy comforter.

_I'm so god damn sorry, I hope you don't find me, I hope I don't cause you too much distress. I don't know where I'm going with this letter, I'm sorry the last words you get from me are these pitiful, messily written words on a sheet of paper. You deserve so much more._

_I just wanted to see him, hear his laugh, look into his intoxicating emerald eyes, ruffle his hair and hold him close._

_Do you know what he always said? To you, to me, to the followers, and the others, "follow your dreams." I admired him, he was always so optimistic and bright. The world likes to rip the light from life, he didn't deserve that, they still haven't been found you know. His killers... his murderers still walk around, uncharged._

Sapnap covered his mouth as he let out a silent sob, he knew his murderers were still roaming around, he questioned if they had families? He wondered if they knew how he felt. It broke him every day to wake up and know he was gone, but when his killers were walking free? That only added salt to the wound.

_I can't do it, I want to follow my dreams, I tried so hard for you in the beginning, I did but as time moved on, I lost sight of what my dream really was, until I found it again. It was him, always him._

_He was my dream, I decided to listen to him, I wanted to follow my dreams. My dream wasn't million-dollar apartments in the luxury cities, it wasn't expensive items, it was him. It has always been him. I just wanted to follow my dreams, you have to understand, I hope. I'm sorry. I love you, I really do, I'm so sorry Sapnap._

_I love you, George. :)_

Sapnap’s body was trembling with sobs, he placed the note back on George's desk. Tears were sliding down his cheeks, he was shaking uncontrollably and gasping for air all while George was sleeping next to him. he didn't know how George didn't wake up Sapnap didn't know where to go, he crawled into bed beside George once he calmed and held him close. George stirred in his sleep, cozying up to Sapnap.

"George, I love you so much, I hope you know that," Sapnap whispered in his ear, "I'm so fucking glad you're here."

George's lips crept up into a faint sleepy smile, nuzzling closer to Sapnap. Sapnap wanted to protect George and never let him go, he wanted to help him, and he wanted to do more than he was doing before. He was going to look for something that was going to hopefully help him.

He hoped he was looking over them, happy that George was still alive, maybe it was rough, but he's still here. That night, the two boys fell asleep in each other's arms with dried tears and puffy eyes. Lots on their minds and lots to discuss in the morning.

**Author's Note:**

> Wowza, that was a journey, to say the least.  
> Also, I'm sorry if there are any mistakes, I've been working on this for a week now and it's all kind of blending together. I'm also taking requests, it can be any type of one-shot with any mcyt's, if you have a request comment it :)


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